Can I Get Pregnant From Sitting on My Boyfriend’s Lap? – Your Worst Fears Confirmed

Can I Get Pregnant From Sitting on My Boyfriend’s Lap? – Your Worst Fears Confirmed


(gentle music) (keyboard keys clacking) – Can you get pregnant from
sitting on your boyfriend’s lap? 100%. And here’s how. You’re sitting on your
boyfriend’s lap, face to face. He’s wearing jeans, button fly. The manufacturer of the
jeans made an error, put too much space in
between the buttons. This leaves a gap wide enough for the tip of a penis to
poke out its little head. Unbeknownst to you,
your boyfriend is not
wearing underwear. Hockey practice,
he got too sweaty. The window in the living
room is slightly ajar because it’s springtime and a dandelion petal flies in. Your boyfriend is
allergic, he sneezes. .00008% of men orgasm when they sneeze. He’s one of those men. As he sneezes,
his body contracts and pushes your crotch, so
it is directly above the hole where his penis pokes
out of his button fly. Now if you are a woman
who has ever sat on a surface other
than 100% cotton, the crotch of your pants is
filled with microscopic holes. If one of those
pant holes lines up with the exposed tip of
your boyfriend’s penis, no penetration necessary. You’re pregnant. Let’s say you’re on
your boyfriend’s lap, but upside down. Your crotch is all
the way up by his face because you’re showing him
what you learned in yoga class. Unbeknownst to you, he
has Peyronie’s disease, a disease that causes
a man’s penis to curve over 60 degrees. Such a drastic curve
causes the sperm to shoot out of his button fly, and
all the way over your body until gravity forces the
sperm back down to earth where it lands right
in your vagina. You’re pregnant. Let’s say you’re nowhere
near your boyfriend’s lap. You’re sitting across the room, talking about something unsexual like magnets or
roofers in your area. But you live in a
region of the country plagued by cold fronts
and a low pressure system. Outside your window,
a southernly wind
of 15 miles per hour changes to a southwesterly
wind of 50 miles per hour at 5,000 feet altitude. Now you’ve got a tornado
right outside your window. Both of you get sucked
into the wind vortex, in the eye of the tornado. All of your clothes rip off and the wind sends
your body onto his lap. The pull of the vortex
creates a suction around your boyfriend’s penis and sucks him right
off to completion. The semen is pulled
out of his body and onto your lap. Are you ready to be a mother? Let’s say there is no boyfriend. You’re in the ocean,
swimming alone, but you get picked
up by a riptide. It drops you off on
a deserted island. You spend years surviving
on berries and wild game, but one night, a pair of
pants washes up on shore. You haven’t seen another
human’s clothes in years. You don’t know what to
do, so you sit on them. You’re naked, they’re pants. Those pants were
last worn by a man who threw them in the
ocean after he dry humped to completion. The salt water has
preserved the semen and now you’re pregnant with some other woman’s
boyfriend’s baby. It’s a modern family. In conclusion, you
will get pregnant by sitting on your
boyfriend’s lap. It’s just a matter
of when and how. I’m Dr. Natasha Vaynblat and your worst fear
has been confirmed. You’re welcome. (upbeat music)