Hello Sun | Black Books | Series 2 Episode 5 | Dead Parrot

Hello Sun | Black Books | Series 2 Episode 5 | Dead Parrot


Yep, yep, I’m coming yeah, I’m coming I’m coming or right tenon hey Where you off to I’m going to yoga? Don’t start Eva’s been on at me for months. She says I’m stressed. What is even over stress. She’s got three kids We’ve all got three kids. I mean she’s doing something different. I thought I get on with it It wants to shut her up. She’s really busting her. I’ve got to go. I’m late guys always late Frank What have you kind of moved everything on my desk for where’s my lighter bills Lots of bills our solicitor is sending her solicitor a solicitors letter And his solicitor is billing us for the cost are you making coffee or not? We have to get some more stuff There’s nothing decent stop mother of God go and get your hair done The boilers making noises again sounds like he’s giving birth. You still haven’t taken your encyclopedias out of the bath. I wonder herb God What’s the matter with you where’s my lighter Fran is coming to dinner I have to cook and clean run the shop do the dusting time Excuse me. Just tell me where it is excuse me. What’s what do you have anything by Adam Phillips? How would I know go to a proper bookshop? Know the way to say this, but I didn’t come in here to be insulted Well, I didn’t ask for the job of insulting you you know in another life, maybe we could have been brothers running a small Quirky, Taverna and Cicely, maybe we would have married the local twins instead of wasting each other’s time here in this dump But it was not to be so Hoppers Manny I’m being calm I am asking you for the last time where does all the shopping me who does all the cooking me who gets all the stock me who went without so you could have a hot breakfast me Look there is your lighter there next to your cigarettes on the desk, which I tidied earlier. Enjoy your break and roll Why do you always have to make the bacon so curly right I Quit you could every day I’m going out an actress in peace so I suggest when you Reapply for the job and of a half an hour you do the interview yourself Ready to wear your pinstripe suit the one that gives you a big arse you like the luck of your 7 that Every bloody day don’t know why I bother you Interested in these Freud complete set yeah, floater rubbish really don’t try and push me Condition okay bit scuffed twenty quid It’s for twenty five that’s absolutely Great, they’re already 35 All right 40s my final offer 50 quid that’s all they’re worth all right sixtieth great Hey guys money and there’s a tenner for the taxi oh That’s good Hey, what brown sauce Told you so it’s amazing it was any more relaxed you could just call me into a bowl Okay smiling away see You don’t need horrible cigarettes and gallons of booze just a few needed is this normal yes That’s what I’m telling you You change when you dream so loud you just sit there with a fag in your mouth cackling like something ever Bravo And when you’re drawing it when you eat and swear Suddenly crying and then singing and kissing terrible men. I know I’m Sometimes, I think you’re just going to end up with a head full of gold teeth roaring and snorting over a vegetable stall some flows Come around to mine. I’ll show you the next set of exercises we can have carrot juice carrot gee What no yes, no, I didn’t love to definitely great You know I’ve never told you this, but all those fags and booze make you reek Do not do I stinky booze so no more smoking and drinking with those two layabouts no, I know I know I won’t Scuse me can I get? Where have you been I called you for ages Manny is driving me nuts He never stops nagging that’s because he’s got pressure on his meridian lines Which excuse me connect good day? Do I smell or what Yes, you do because you’re full of things that are bad for you Listen he’s making me miserable. You are miserable because you are always Gosling or gulping or what’s wrong with you I’m talking about Manny. You know Manny the fruit store might happen to live with What a drink you always want something you know in Tibet if they want something Do you know what they do they give something away do they do they that must be whether such a dominant global power? What you should do is stop smoking and drinking I haven’t had anything for the last two hours Why not yoga you shouldn’t be messing around with that stuff. I read an article It’s amazing it’s like having sunshine in your veins here. We go Mary Poppins It is a shame the way people pollute themselves. I mean you look around you Just look what you see I see intelligent attractive charming people who smoke and drink all the time I never get sick or die or bored the bollocks of their friends Excuse me This is pointless, I’ll see you at dinner, which by the way He is making a big deal out of of course you are being irrational The only thing that’s going to bring you inner peace stop talking good The only thing that’s gonna bring the inner peace is a beard seeking missile Are you trying to kill me you left a box of books on the stairs Very sorry I bought something will actually sell what is this Freud complete words drivel a waste of money? So what kind of Filth is spewing out of your hats tonight We’ll be having mini medleys of chicken with summer berries. You know I hate student food start, and then it’ll be dope of Argentinian lamb with julienne of red roots celeriac mash and salsa verde I Bet you forgot to buy the plonk the wines will be a Tavella fall owed by a choice of primitivo or Navarro Well, I want a drink now There’s the two liters of your Spanish antifreeze let me know when you want your food should I Wait till you put your teeth in dear oh Isn’t this nice What were those funny colored things vegetables vegetables you are trying to kill me Can’t you see his energy centers amiss alone, right? And you’re feeling like this because I feel like this because he never thinks about anybody but himself Fran I’ve met a little something for you It’s your favorite rum and chocolate oh Yes, kissy Kissy new I’ve got to avoid all stimulants. Oh listen to you. You’re becoming one of them You’re going over to the other side the land of sandals spoon benders and yoghurt fanciers Everybody farts all the time because they don’t know how to laugh One should meditate. Oh, let’s then we can all make some tofu for the dolphins who live in the fridge Fan is trying to improve her life. You could offer some support its shite Like the Freud how did you price that rubbish? I didn’t I was cooking Very convenient for you to leave all the back-breaking labor to me Yoga Freud Friend I need to talk to you. He treats me like a child. I can’t cope with him He eats all the sweets in the house. He says they’ll make my hair fall out. I found a baby monitor in them a bed Sort it out right now. What we go to close your eyes And keep them closed Stick out your tongue and roll your head The psychopathology of the inverted suit this is all about him Mania now fold your arms and sway them gently Okay raise your head and open your eyes Yeah doesn’t that feel better yes But he’s becoming totally impossible. I mean look he doesn’t have anything for us Pvt. Nasal spray Jam According to Freud it’s dangerous even to be in the same room as you Will have to replace all our cutlery with plastic and then I want to get you electronically tagged Bernie pass the butter, please This know that what did you say I said no that? You said no dad Go again projecting I shall never bother stupid books. I am not projecting I’ve never seen such projecting it’s in CinemaScope with Dolby Surround You weren’t arranged you need help normal normal. What other grown man makes soldiers for his runny egg and then divides them into rank The fun yeah, so you won’t mind about this one don’t judge the colonel It’ll upset the rest of the men call a shrink you’re nuts so is your whole platoon And then raise your hands up and say hello to the Sun Peter actually it’s not even sunny Hey Do you fancy some toast? Wheat is poison I? Can’t believe you had chocolate you didn’t have meat. Did you no no no no no Well just a little bit of chicken in a few specks of damn We’re gonna have to fix you your chakras will be all clogged And you ever get a bit bored Feeling this good all the time I’m going to ignore that so toxins and you’re talking come on. I said to you young How about a special treat isn’t that carrot thing again? I’m not total killjoy. You know you sit tight, and I’ll rough this up some naughty rice cakes What are you doing stripping the chicken Chicken soup chicken salad chicken sandwiches you could make a chicken cravat, but it’s just hassle. We’ve got a takeaway Those are things I do with this. It’s a chicken Chicken is fine ice You’ve got to move on. How are you gonna cope when somebody dies, so just use the legs is thrifty? It’s disgusting is what it is. This is our Jeffrey Dahmer and that lock get started I can’t let gold old boxes of fried chicken lying around and then and then a friend says I have to leave town and The Black & Decker with bits of them lying around like nibbles you got to see a shrink have a wing is crunchy Can’t you see you’re not right So I made him an appointment, can you imagine what the analyst is finding in that horrible head of his? You know if the two of you could do something relaxing together this place wouldn’t be so tense what Every time we bicker we should have sex have a drink and be yourself again. Will you? So what’s it like then? Yeah fags and booze? Well to be honest after years of smoking and drinking you do sometimes look at yourself and think Yeah, you know just sometimes in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of cornershop piss at 3:00 a.m. Do sometimes look at yourself and think yeah? This is fantastic I’m in heaven I Mean obviously I’m very grateful for for the job, and I don’t think he’s fundamentally a bad person It’s pretty might be I mean it’s not a bad life after all and obviously there’s that cooking the cleaning and the doing the accounts and making the cheese scraping the beds, but I’m Happy really Yes, you’re right you’re right, I’m being exploited it’s about self-respect isn’t it? Exactly Exactly. I must stand my ground Brilliant, thank you so much for your health check alright Service in this place excuse me so excuse excuse me is there something wrong with me Service Yes sir two cappuccinos chocolate cake straight away, sir Wow I think this terribly might have helped you all the King he was in touch of the king mean there’s no deny On the house sir, sorry for the delay King of Kings the other Kingston, or do they call on you the Royal line does ring from time to time? Yes Where have you been? Are you talking to me you look different did they put you on steroids, what are you talking about you silly little man? Shouldn’t you be serving a customer or something and isn’t it about time you had a really good scrub It’s not my fault I looked like this you haven’t washed my things We can’t blame others for our appearance can we? No, no no, but I suggest you wash your own socks if you can chisel them out of your shoes Now I don’t want to be disturbed Speak to me like that my own son What did you say okay? It says for tests You’re not the unconscious thing Super-ego something something that’s exactly what he’s like Knows if he’s not rewarded maybe nothing any material way or any other way, but still I May have been a little hard on him, but he leaves boxes in the hall. I really tripped and Yes, yes, I’m a monster I know it’s not his fault the fact is I’m a terrible bastard. Yes, why spanks me One complete set of Freud 200 pounds Thank You Manny your wages so the late oh Thanks, sir, I was just gonna get us some lunch. No. No I’ve done that Manny it’s nothing hey welcome Your pastes Open the boodle What you looking at oh Christ didn’t I? even start going on in my head to give up milk and peace and God knows what I mean fucking bees I told you can’t stuff it up her chakras I Know she’s not talkin to me Move on please what wouldn’t kill a person as they please do you know what I’m gonna. Do I’m gonna have you spayed Resign again go I resign right well. I’ve had enough of this enough. I’m gonna Go I’ll manage up for you. I asking me both of you Burnin burnin, it’s not bad, but it is your tea open Audrina. Can I have my pocket money? Oh Manny for the last time Mother of god I think I rose again, yeah Now that is mad