The UNWRITTEN RULES of the GYM

The UNWRITTEN RULES of the GYM


– It’s time for a lesson in gym etiquette, you sloppy mother (claps). We need to have a chat. It’s time for some real talk. I’ve been going to the gym
since I was in high school. And, I’ve been to multiple
gyms in multiple cities over my life and one of the
things that I’ve noticed is every gym always has one
or two people that don’t understand the rules of gym etiquette. But Matt there’s rules for gym etiquette? What’s that all about? Yeah, there is, and if
you didn’t know that, then you need to keep watching this video because you’re probably that person. See, every gym has an
unwritten set of rules that no one really talks about, but is just understood
that everybody should do when going to the gym. Now, for those of you
that didn’t know this and just show up to the
gym and just do your thing, completely unaware that there’s
other people at that gym, then like I said you need
to keep watching this video because I’m about to explain to you the unwritten rules of the gym. Rule number one, personal hygiene. This is kind of a broad topic, but I’m gonna focus in on smells because for some reason every
gym that I’ve ever been to has that one stinky guy or girl, and you know exactly
what I’m talking about. Now to be clear here
everybody’s gonna stink at one point because you are at a gym. You’re exercising you’re gonna sweat. To a certain degree,
smelliness is acceptable. There’s this guy that goes to my gym that the second that he walks
through that door, he stanks. And not only that, but
he goes on the treadmill and sweats up a storm
and makes the entire gym smell just as bad as he does. This guy makes skunks smell like roses. I think the best way I can describe it is he smells like sour old pork chops rolled around in cigarette ashes. I’m not even kidding it’s that bad. I’m not saying you need to
prepare like you’re going for the club and smell fancy
like have a shower before the gym and like put
on cologne and perfume. What I’m saying is if you
smell like a used diaper wrapped in burnt hair you
should probably do something to neutralize that scent before you at least walk into the gym. Rule number two, wipe off
your machines you dirty pigs. If you go to the gym
and you use a machine, and you sweat a lot, make sure you wipe off the
machine when you’re done. I don’t wanna use the machine after you, and lay on it, and feel like I’m on a
God damn slip and slide. M-leh. I was at the gym the other day, and there was this big state-puffed porkly mother bitch that was
doing the Pec Fly Machine like this, and when he was done, he just got up and waddled away like, “Oh, time to go eat some meatloaf.” There was a puddle on the machine from this man’s backside, and luckily I caught it before I sat down because had I laid in that, I probably would have puked everywhere. People, every gym you go to
has a little spray bottle, and a little wipey cloth. Use it, that’s what it’s there for. I don’t wanna have to sit down in your dirtiest, filthy messes. It’s makin’ me sick
just thinkin’ about it. This kinda ties into the first point. It’s all about personal hygiene. You gotta prepare before
you go to the gym, and do stuff to maintain the
gym while you’re using it. And it doesn’t even matter
if you’re somebody that sweats a lot or not, you should always wipe
the machine or bench off that you’ve just used so that
the next person that uses it knows that it’s clean. It’s just… It’s a way to psychologically prepare them for using that machine. Rule number three. Put your God damn weights away. There’s a few guys at
my gym that are these big burly Vin Diesel looking mother– When they lift weights, they lift like 150 pound dumbbells, and when they’re done with them, they throw them on the ground, which causes a small earthquake
and distracts everybody, and on top of that they
leave them on the ground. Now why is this a problem? Well, because a lot of the
people that work behind a desk a gym aren’t as big as
the people that are lifting these monstrous (mumbles) weights. When they gotta lift those, it takes a whole guy or girl
just to lift one of the weights and not only that but
it’s a tripping hazard. If you leave your weights out, especially ones that big, if I catch my foot on that bitch I’m goin’ for a freakin’ face plant. And the fourth and final
thing that pisses me off is don’t use the gym like a social center. Don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong
with going to the gym with your buddies and having, you know, a slight chat between sets. But if you’re going to have
like an extended conversation, please go off to the
side or into the lobby where you’re not gonna
use up an entire machine that I’ve been waiting for
’cause it drives me nuts. Seriously, there’s nothing
worse than waiting for a machine and seeing like two or three
guys or girls just like, “Yeah, so what’d you do this weekend?” “Oh yeah, you know, nothing. “Still got herpes.” “Yeah, that sucks. “We should probably lift, eh?” “No, why we gotta lift? I came
here to work out my mouth.” (laughs) Those are the four rules
that I can think of off the top of my head that
I find that people break all the time at my gym, and I was inspired to make
this video because I’m actually off to the gym very shortly
where I’m expecting to see that very same cigarette smelling, pork chop eatin’ mother– So if there’s anything
that annoys you guys that people do that breaks gym etiquette, please leave a comment below. And other than that, I’ll see you guys next
video with a new topic. Peace.