Why do Couples Fall Out of Love After Some Time? #UnplugWithSadhguru

Why do Couples Fall Out of Love After Some Time? #UnplugWithSadhguru


Moderator (Gaganpreet):
When people say that they are in love, they think they are in unconditional love. But still in most of the cases, it’s not working. It doesn’t lead to happiness. So Sadhguru, when is unconditional love truly possible? Sadhguru: See, when you say love, your experience of love means, you feel certain sweetness of emotion within yourself. Either by looking at this person
or this person or this person, we don’t know who stimulates this in you? It doesn’t matter who helped you. But essentially it happened within you, isn’t it? Yes? Did it happen only within you or was it in the air? I’m trying to clear this air (Laughter). Moderator (Gaganpreet): Combination of both. Sadhguru: Really? It was in the air? No. It only happened within you. Maybe what was happening within you
was so exuberant, you saw it everywhere. You are in love, you thought the flowers bloomed for you,
the birds are singing for you, the clouds are moving for you (Laughter) Hmm? All right. I don’t want to destroy all the romance, okay (Laughter)? But essentially it’s happening within you. It’s wonderful that you are experiencing
such sweetness of emotion, stimulated by somebody. You are using the other person as a key to open up
an experience within you essentially. I am asking you, why are you using a key
when there is no lock, when there is no door, when there is no any kind of barrier? It is just that you are a push-start machine. You know what’s a push-start machine? If you have owned an Ambassador,
twenty-five years ago, always you parked it on a gradient like this (Gestures). Because morning, two people have to push it. Moderators: Yes Sadhguru: If you park it like this (Gestures), nobody will come. Your family will not come out of the house. If it is like this (Gestures), somebody will come and push it. Now all the cars are self-start, many of them remote start. What does it mean? Technological upgradation! You are an institute of technology, all right? I am asking, would you like to
upgrade your technology that you are on self-start? If you wake up in the morning, you are overflowing
with joy and love and exuberance, by yourself. You don’t need anybody to stimulate you. Would you like to be a self-start machine? Moderator (Gaganpreet): Jee Sadhguru. Sadhguru: Then you must come to me, hmm (Applause)? Whoever is right now doing the love in the air. It’s fine with them, you don’t have to tell them anything. You say, “All right, it’s okay.” But (Laughs), it’s very important
you are a self-start machine. Otherwise, after some time,
you try to extract happiness from the other person. That is when these love affairs become
tedious and horrible, because you are trying
to extract happiness from the other person. No. Life should be like this. When it comes to joy, when it comes to love, when it comes to exuberance of life, you must be the source of this. Isn’t it? You must be the source of this. Well, other things are shared in life. There are two ways to enter into a relationship. One way is because
you want to extract something from somebody. Another way is because
you want to share something with somebody. These are two ways. If you are out to share, your life will be good. If you are out to extract, when they close the tap,
it’s going to get terrible and nasty. You have seen people
who thought they are absolute lovers, how terrible it becomes for many of them. Not because there’s anything wrong with them. Simply because you started off on the wrong footing, thinking this person is the source of my joy. No, no, no. Joy or misery, the source is within you. Yes or no? Whether it’s joy or misery,
the source is within you (Applause). It’s for you to decide. If you are a joyful human being,
they will also want to be with you. If you are in misery,
they will endure you for some time. Shall I tell you a joke? Are you okay? Moderator (Gaganpreet): Please Sadhguru… Sadhguru: On a certain day, Shankaran Pillai… (Laughter/Applause/Cheers) Hmm? What happened? …was walking in a park in the evening. Sunset time, he saw a young pretty looking woman,
sitting on a stone bench. You know the park benches? Moderators: Yes Sadhguru. Sadhguru: He also went and sat down,
settled down on the same bench. After some time he moved little closer. She moved little away. He allowed a few minutes and again moved little closer. She moved little away. Again he moved closer. Now there was nowhere else to go for her because she was at the end of the bench. She pushed him away. Then he waited for two minutes, just the sun to get to the right angle. Then he went down on his knees and he said, “I love you.
I love you like I have never loved anybody in my life.” Tch. You know a woman is a fool for love? And the sun was setting. If it was middle of the afternoon,
she wouldn’t believe a damn thing (Laughter). Sun was setting, the ambience was right,
and she kind of yielded. Nature took over. Things happened between them. Then he looked at his watch, It was eight o’clock in the evening. He got up and said, “I need to go, I need to go.” She said, “Where are you going, you said you love me?” He said, “My wife is waiting, I need to go” (Laughter)! Sadhguru: So, ‘I love you’ for a whole lot of people
is like that you know, open sesame you want to get something; maybe your needs are physical, psychological, emotional, financial, social or we don’t know what else. You have needs to fulfill, so, you use this mantra and it works. Half the time it works, okay. I am saying it’s important… it is important you know the joy of being loving because sweetness of emotion is needed for you, if you want to take really big steps in your life. If you do not have sweetness of love in your heart, believe me, if you try to take big steps in the world, particularly in India, you will end up frustrated and go to Canada (Laughter). In Canada, you meet only moose in most of the country, so, it’s okay (Laughs).