so go ahead and please step your right
foot forward left foot back shoulder blades move towards it to the reach
through the fingertip. I inhale, I exhale, I’m relaxing.
go straighten the arms sit deep in the Warrior One here we go. Straighten the arms, sit deep in the posture. Shit, forgot to write down the groceries she wanted me to pick up orange juice broccoli and cheese. I’m not thinking about work or the promotion or my stupid boss because I’m inhaling. Is that guy sitting lower than me? He must be shorter or something. Yeah I’m good. I’m a warrior. She’s gonna kill me if I fuck this up. The brie! It was brie. My arms are sprouting out of my back. I am a butterfly! Windmill the arms around step back to plank we’re gonna pop and play for a few
breaths Pause in plank? I’ve been holding farts
in since the first child. Yoga is amazing. Look at this! I’m surrounded by beautiful women, perfect bodies, look at that ass! Shit I think she saw me. Yes I did see you checking on my ass. Real nice, subtle. What I wouldn’t give to come to one yoga class and not feel the guy behind me imagining fucking me! Inhale baby Cobra or
upward-facing dog shoulders away from me All I have to do is breathe and I can
fly! look at me I’m flying! Well hello mister I’m not wearing a wedding ring. look at those arms I would call him Jim. Yeah he looks like
a Jim. Well hello mister I’m not wearing a wedding ring. Look at those arms. I’ll call him Jim. Exhale find a way to relax in this shape I don’t think I’m gonna be able to hold it much longer. This cannot happen again. Did that guy just drip sweat on my mat? That is disgusting! Oh I can’t believe this I just cleaned this thing! Bulimia is so much easier than yoga. I gotta bring the guys. This is a dream It’ll be a spring wedding for sure. Orange juice broccoli
and Brie. Oh this is not good. Oh God! And actually reach, reach for the one thing that you want. FroYo. Respect. Nirvana Bie. A
husband. FART And inhale.